Believer
by medlabdreamer
Summary: Bella is an independent hardworking single girl who lives by the mantra that everything happens for a reason. Rated M for language and themes. AH, OOC and full of lemony goodness
1. Prologue

A/N: Stephanie Myers owns everyone and everything

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Prologue:

"And what does this one mean?" he murmured as his lips gently brushed against the inside of my wrist.

I had to take a deep breath to calm my nerves and clear my head before I could speak. No matter how many times his lips were near any part of my body it elicited the same response; light-headedness, tremors, confusion, loss of words. I often felt inadequate around him due to how he effected me, but he has assured me on several occasions I did the same to him, he was just much better at hiding it.

"Well" I began, the fog finally starting to clear. I tangled my fingers in his hair in an attempt to bring about some intelligibility. "It says "Just Believe" and it's there to remind me that everything happens for a reason. I have it on my left wrist because it's closest to my heart."

"And you truly believe that? That all things good and bad happen for a reason" he mused.

I stopped tugging his hair and pulled to face to mine so I could see deep into his eyes. Those amazing eyes that I swore were a one-way ticket to his soul. The warmth and lovingness that I saw there made my heart skip a few beats and I had to take another minute before I could speak again.

"Yes, the good and the bad. Even if it doesn't always make sense at the time, each part fits together perfectly like a puzzle. Sometimes you just need a little faith that all the pieces will fit."

It seemed appropriate to be having this conversation while we lay, naked and intertwined. Individually we were each a jagged puzzle piece that has been chipped away and formed from our pasts, but fitting together perfectly to create a masterpiece. As much as I wished I had met, known and loved him my whole life, I knew that each serrated edge formed from our flaws and experiences is what allowed us to fit together now. Any earlier would have negated what we shared today.

I slowly, gently brought my lips to his. Our lips worked in unison, tongues dancing as equals until our breaths became ragged. He sighed deeply washing his warm scent over me sending me head over heels all over again. I wondered if I would ever get used to him; every delightfully delicious wonderful part.

"So Ms Everything happens for a reason" he teased as his feather light fingertips traced a line down my spine; forcing a moan to escape from my lips. "Do you see a good thing happening in our immediate future?"

With a smirk and a giggle I rolled onto him sitting high so he could see every inch of my exposed form. I knew how much he loved to see me like this and after the spine stroke it was payback time. His eyes widened in anticipation and he gave a little growl.

"I see very good things happening in our long future together" I purred taking the time to tease him gently. He gave my wrist one last kiss and quickly rolled me back beside him.

"You are my reason, my other half, and my life" he whispered.

"Just Believe" I murmured with a grin.


	2. Routine a Day keeps the Fat at Bay

A/N: Stephanie Myers has is best friends with the President of the world...because she owns Twilight and everyone it touches

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I glanced nervously around the humongous theatre trying with all my might to not be completely starstruck although it was quite hard considering the company I was currently holding. I peaked out from beneath my long fan eyelashes that some tranny with way nicer legs then me had glued on my eyes. I was definitely keeping this makeup artist around; he had done such a wonderful job that I wanted to start flying him whatever to every venue and party I had to attend. I straightened out my Dolce and Gabbana one strap haute couture yellow shimmery dress trying to keep my hands occupied. Those boys had really outdone themselves with this number, hugging every curved I owned and matching my tones perfectly. They had gushed when I tried it on claiming I was their muse, a cornucopia of awesomeosity and this dress was perfect. Although people traditionally wore their hair up to such an event, I my long brown hair fell into a cascade of waves down my back, pinned on one side with an elaborate Harry Winston diamond and jewel encrusted comb. It was the only piece of jewels I was wearing; which, my stylist had claimed was an incredibly bold statement.

Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg were walking across the stage now. My heart skipped a few beats; I hadn't realized it would be those two presenting my category. We had become close since the SNL short they invited me to make with them a few months ago. They claimed they were equally as impressed with my work as I was with theirs, although I didn't see how they could be possible. Their comedic charm always put me at ease and I found myself spending a lot of time with them recently.

"Please let me win, and please don't let me trip, please let me win and please don't let me trip" I silently chanted repeatedly in my head. I could vaguely hear the words they were saying over my heart thumping out of control in my chest. I put on the best fake appreciative smile I could conjure as I faintly hear them announcing my movie. I felt all eyes and cameras on me at that second and gave my little smile and nod. I kept my eyes on the stage and held my breath as JT slowly opened the envelope and peered inside. I could see him struggling to keep a straight face as he announced grandly

"The Oscar for best actress in lead role goes to…Isabella Swan for Pieces of Us."

I heard the cheers around me and felt someone pull me to my feet. Beaming I hugged whomever had grabbed me and made my way to the stage. My feet felt like lead as I made my way forward. I wanted to move so much faster but the Christian Louboutin stiletto heels I had strapped precariously to my feet forced me to consciously place one in front of the other so I wouldn't trip. Once I had finally made it to the stage, I gave each of my new friends a giant hug receiving words of praise and encouragement in my ear. I took the gold statue from the model and turned to face the cheering crowd who were now on their feet chanting and screaming my name. I blushed wildly, pulled my trophy to my heart stepped up to the microphone. That's when I noticed that the scene was starting to shimmer a bit around the edges and the crowds cheering started to muffle a bit.

"I can't believe this is happening! First I would like to thank…" were all the words I managed to get from my lips before the picture turned black. Somewhere nearby; there was a scream.

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The screaming and the blackness continued as my eyes fluttered open. Trying to make sense of my surroundings; my eyes wandered curiously adjusting to the dim light. There was a window to my left with the roman blinds pulled closed, I was laying on something soft, my body cocooned in what smelled like down. Next to me lay two big round eyes which stared back at me, inching closer. Something big and wet came sliding up the side of my face. Finally all the pieces fit together.

"Good morning to you too Jakel" I said as I pulled an arm loose to scratch behind his shaggy russet ear. He gave me another big sloppy kiss of appreciation before jumping down off the bed. I reached over to stop the screaming of my alarm clock reading 5:00am in bright red. I rolled onto my back again for just a moment trying to remember the wonderful dream I was having. Oh the dress, the shoes, the feeling of winning…all felt so incredible and real; now I was back to reality and I had my morning routine to start. I hopped out of bed and grabbed my sweats that were lying on the overstuffed black chair in the corner of my bedroom.

"You ready for a run?" I asked Jacob who had been stretching gingerly in the corner. His head perked right up, he gave a little yelp and ran to the door. Throwing my lulu tank over my head I opened the door and tiptoed down the hallway. I might be ready to start the day but my co-habitant would definitely want another 45 minutes or so. When I got to the kitchen Jacob was already standing by the door scratching to get out. I opened the freezer, found the coffee and swiftly started the percolator so it would be ready and waiting for my return. I quickly did some stretches while Jake eyed me eagerly. I had found him wandering through our neighbourhood 3 years ago when he was just a puppy. Something had attacked him and he was pretty badly beat up. I had rushed him to the vet and after 10 days of surgeries and observation he was released with a clean bill of health. I tried to find his owner, plastering the streets with flyers, placing ads in the local newspaper and the online classifieds but no one claimed him as their own. I considered taking him to the local SPCA but I couldn't bear the thought of someone else taking him. So he stayed with me and has quickly become my best friend. I take him everywhere with me, confide in him all my secrets; even if he can't respond. Sometimes I think I like it better that way; than I don't have to get an answer I don't want to hear. From the looks I sometimes get from those big brown eyes, I'm sure he has a comment or two he would love to share.

Throwing my hair into a messy bun I grabbed my iPod. I decided it was hiphop kind of morning and scrolled to that playlist. As "Hot Girls" by Belly and Snoop Dogg rang to my ears I opened the front door and made my way out into the still darkened streets. The air was crisp and the sun just beginning to come up over the horizon as Jake and I made our way through the neighbourhood and into the path that wound deep into the trees. We lived in Forks Washington; simultaneously the wettest and most beautiful place on earth. Even though I had done this run every morning for the past 8 months, it never ceased to awe me with its beauty. I had grown up in Phoenix Arizona with my mom Renee; where I had loved every moment of it there, but when I turned 17 it was time for me to pick a university and I needed a change. Renee and her new boyfriend Phil were moving to Florida so he could pursue his career in Minor League Baseball, and they tried to get me to move with them. I seemed impervious to a tan; while the heat and sun did nothing for my long wavy hair so I decided to turn down their offer and move somewhere with a little more moisture in the air. I ventured to Vancouver British Columbia in Canada, where I attended the University of British Columbia for 4 years before moving on to the British Columbia Institute of Technology following my dream of becoming a Medical Laboratory Technologist. I know it seems like an incredibly geeky job, but I love everything about it. I had been fascinated by the body and how it worked since I had been a child. When I was 7 the boy next door got a microscope for Christmas while I got a dolly; we traded after about 3 days. So this seemed like the appropriate career path for me. The more then six years I spent in Canada were incredible, but being an American citizen made finding a job a little more difficult. So when my dad Charlie told me they were building a new hospital in Forks and they were looking for some Lab Techs, I jumped at the chance. That was over 2 years ago and I still couldn't be happier with my decision.

I was brought back to the present moment by Jake's barking. He was a few feet ahead of me and we had come across the first of our usual morning co-runners. The couple gave a quick nod and continued on their way. My mind drifted to 8 months ago when I began this morning routine of running with Jacob. At the time it was more of a waddle then a run, as I was about 45lbs heavier. I had been big my whole life so it still felt odd to me to be in my current body. I had always been comfortable the size that I was, until one day I went shopping with some girls from work and had to go to the plus-sized clothes. That day I had hung my head in shame and made a promise to myself that I would never again have to shop in this section. While I still had a bit of weight to lose, I was so much more comfortable and confident in my own skin that I didn't always recognize myself. The feeling of being smaller outweighed my need and desires for treats that I no longer craved them the way I used to. Now it was no longer a diet but my way of life.

We rounded the last corner and our house came into view at the end of our cul-de-sac.

"Hey Jakey, I'll race you" I called to him as I started off down the street in a sprint. He had been distracted by a stray squirrel but took off like a bat out of hell once he realized what I was doing. We arrived to the gate the same time, him barking with excitement.

"Ok bud, we have to be quiet again now, Roomie probably isn't up yet" I whispered while holding a finger to my lips. Jake gave a tiny yelp of understanding as we headed in our back door. The smell of French vanilla coffee was overwhelming as we stepped into the kitchen and I bent down to take off my running shoes. Jake gave me a quick kiss of appreciation before heading to his water dish. I headed up the stairs and into my bedroom so I could shower and get ready for work. I let the shower heat up nice and warm letting the water ease up the knots in my back. The smell of coconut wafted through the room and I began to sing my morning song.

"Ain't no body dope as me, I'm just so fresh so clean" my notes drifted out of the bathroom and into my attached bedroom. After a good scrubbing I wrapped myself into my old tattered bathrobe and sauntered into my bedroom. Dancing in front of my closet I grabbed my Spongebob Squarepants scrubs and threw them over my head before moonwalking into my bathroom to quickly run a brush through my hair and apply a bit of mascara and blush. I skipped back down to the kitchen to find my roommate sitting at the table, mug of coffee in hand.

"Good morning Roomie" I chirped as I poured myself my own cup of French vanilla deliciousness.

Rosalie glared at me from over her giant mug that read 'mornings are my favorite'; clearly she picked the wrong mug this morning.

I stood in front of the stove and began to prepare my usual breakfast of egg whites. As the smell of butter and eggs filled the room I started to get my lunch ready all the while humming a few bars of 'Maneater' that had been stuck in my head since my run.

"Seriously, why are you so fucking chipper in the goddam morning, its really fucking annoying" Rose hissed over the top of her mug. I turned away from the frying pan; and took my hair into my hands; nimbly putting it into a messy braid.

"Rose my darling, the only person that finds this annoying is you and that's because you hate your life" I teased. "Besides, we haven't even picked up Alice yet; you know how much worse we are when we're together." With a smug look upon my face I scooped my eggs onto a plate and took my seat beside her at the high table.

'Fuck don't even remind me" she moaned as she gracefully rose from the table and headed towards her bedroom flipping her long blonde hair over her shoulder. "I'm going to start drugging the shit out of you two if you piss me off much more."

"Maybe you should start your day with a hug and a run, it might make you feel better" I called out to her as I watched her perfect model figure fade out of sight.

"Fuck you" she called from the end of the hallway before she slammed her door shut.

With a giggle I returned my attention back to my eggs. Even though it was barely 6am, it was going to be a good day, I could feel it.


	3. Wasted Red Gold

As Always Stephanie Myer owns my people

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Wasted Red Gold

"Good morning Ladies" Alice sang as she hopped in the backseat of my truck. I eyed her wearily in the mirror. Something was off about her this morning. To anyone else she might seem her normal perky self, but she was my best friend and I knew her better then that. Her eyes were a little too tired looking, her voice just a shade too forced and most importantly she was missing an earring. No way would the Ali I knew leave her house looking anything besides completely perfect unless she was preoccupied. She caught my gaze in the mirror and averted her eyes quickly. My mouth fell open with an audible pop.

"You dirty little skank!" I exclaimed. "You had sex last night didn't you?"

Rose whipped around in her seat to appraise Alice's appearance. With a slight tint of blush on her cheeks Alice fluffed her pixie black hair and turned to face us, nose high in the air.

"Yes as a matter-of-fact I did. His name is Jasper and he is incredible." She announced with authority.

"Where did you meet this one Alice? Bead store, the firing range, snorkelling class?" Rose questioned with an air of annoyance in her voice as she turned back in her seat to face the front. Alice did seem to have a knack for meeting men at the most random places.

Alice seemed to ignore Rosalie quip and started excitedly.

"Bells you remember that guy that I met in my meditation class while we were in school in Burnaby? Tall, gorgeous blonde hair, dazzling smile, adorable southern accent? Well, I was at Breaking Dawn last night having a few drinks with Jessica and he was there. Strolled right up to me asked me if I remembered him. We talked for while, had a few more drinks then the next thing I know, we're at my place naked licking whip cream off each other."

"Oh Alice, entirely too much information" I groaned. "And Jessica? X-Ray tech Jessica Stanley? I thought you two hated each other because you had both been sleeping with that nomad adventurer Garrett that works at the Newton Wilderness Store." I sneaked another quick peek at her in the mirror in time to watch to shrug her shoulders in indifference.

"We got over it. He only has eyes for Kate the electrician anyways; so we decided to go looking for new meat last night, which apparently I found" she said as her eyes gazed off into this distance, her thoughts wandering back to her kitchen table.

We finally arrived to our destination of Forks General Hospital. Alice and Rose both hopped out of the truck quickly leaving me behind to grab my bag from the backseat. I knew where they were going to be, they needed their second cup of morning java, and hoped to grab a quick glimpse of Dr. Carlisle Cullen, the emergency room doctor whom was so entirely beautiful it seemed hardly fair that he was also one of the most gifted doctors this state had ever seen. Chuckling to myself I watched their figures turn the corner and down the hall towards Starbucks. Alice's short legs had to move triple time to keep up with Rosalie's one graceful stride.

Alice was my polar opposite in every way. She had such grace and confidence while oozing charm it was impossible not to love her. There was never a hair or eyelash out of place and I don't know if I have ever seen her wear the same outfit twice, as she made several trips a month to the local thrift store, spending a large chunk of her wages on vintage clothing. She loved to dress me up, but while she made outfits look glamorous and chic, I somehow managed to make them look frumpy and out-of-date. She was tiny, adorable and always out looking to get into some trouble.

I met her in my last year of my undergraduate at UBC. She had been living with her then husband Peter whom she still loved dearly but they had married so young that they hadn't become individuals before they became a couple. They grew up in the same small town where her family was extremely religious and tried to suppress her natural wild side. Feeling cornered and oppressed she found salvation in Peter, so when at the age of 16 he asked her to move from her home on the East Coast of Canada to Vancouver she never looked back. When I met her she was beginning to realize that she still had so much growing to do, and that being with Peter wasn't what was best for either one of them. They separated right before we moved to Burnaby to attend BCIT where we lived together for over 2 years. At the end of our time there I told her I was moving to Forks, and logically, she said, wherever I was going to be, she would be too. Besides, the thought of moving to a small town and turning it upside down absolutely thrilled her. I have to admit she's been doing a pretty good job; what with her stealing nurse's boyfriends, having sex in broom closets, walking around town in scandalous outfits; but just one flash of those pearly whites and your heart just melts forgetting all the damage she's done.

Then there was Rosalie, whom had made enough enemies for all of us combined. Rose walked about town with an air of arrogance about her. She was better then everyone else in this tiny town and she knew it. Mind you, standing at almost 5'11" and looking like she just walked straight out of Vogue or off a Zac Posen runway you can't really blame her for being a bit cocky. She came from a very wealthy family in New York, but after her former fiancée nearly beat her to death one night in a drunken rage; she decided that maybe her looks were more trouble then what they were worth. When she told her family that she wanted to become a lab tech, they laughed in her face. Why would someone with such wealth, beauty and power want to do something so repulsive as working with things that came out of some strangers body. She was a Hale and meant to be looked at and follow proper society. When she stood up to them announcing that she was leaving to follow her dreams they threatened to cut her off if she did so. She secretly went to school in New York for 2 years, telling them she was attending Fashion Institute of Technology. When she finished school, she took the first available job she could that was as far away from her family as possible. With just a couple thousand dollars that she got from selling her designer belongings, she packed up her Mercedes and drove across the country to her new home.

The three of us arrived at the same time, all desperate for accommodations. Although Alice and I had loved living together for over 2 years in BC, she felt she needed a bit of her own space for a while, and I was willing to give it to her so I could have a break from her sexcapades. I had found an incredible place but couldn't afford it on my own, and Rose was strapped for cash having left everything behind in her old life so we decided to shack up together. Although we didn't always see eye to eye and our personalities often clashed, neither of us regretted a moment of our decision.

When I finally caught up with the girls, they were walking away from the Starbucks deep in discussion, non-fat Vanilla Bean Lattes in hand.

"No way!" Alice squealed, whipping her head around to stare at Rosalie incredulously. "I bet Carlisle is a gentle lover, gets to know every inch of your body, makes you feel special."

Rose snorted loudly as she handed me my delicious steaming beverage. As embarrassed for them as I was, I had to admit I loved days that they stalked Dr Cullen; I always ended up getting a frothy treat to start my work day.

"Oh hell no; someone that hot and brilliant? He definitely would fuck you senseless from here until next weekend. Until you can't walk and you forget your own name" Rose retorted. The smug look on her face suggested she might have some experience in this area.

I quickly glanced down at the hot Styrofoam cup in my hand. Having only slept with 2 people I was not very well versed on this topic. Being fucked I knew, having someone make love to me; that I had no experience at all. I shook the memories from my head before the sourness had a chance to set in.

I followed my friends down to the basement and into the lab. Exchanging my outdoor coat for my lab coat I sauntered over to the schedule to see which department I would be working in today. I found my name next to Blood Bank issuing and smiled to myself. It was my favourite place to be in the whole lab. While everyone else spent their day running thousands of samples on high tech analyzers that would permit the physicians to make a diagnosis; my day was spent sending blood products to people, thereby actively making them better. Issuing made me feel empowered, like a participant in the healing process instead of a bystander. Alice and Rose were working in microbiology and chemistry respectively, so I probably wouldn't get to see them until the end of the day.

I walked up to my section of the lab; and settled in for the day. I scanned the list of OR's running before looking at my days inventory. I was feeling reassured that my stock was in good order so I settled into my chair, about to start some paper work when the trauma pager started to flash. Instantly I felt my stomach drop to my shoes. The overhead PA system rang loud and clear.

"Trauma team activation, ETA 10 minutes."

I could feel my adrenaline begin to throb through my veins as I gathered my whits and reached for the phone my fingers flying over the emergency rooms phone number. The receptionist answered on the first ring.

"Emergency Room" was all she said. I could hear the panic in her voice.

"Hi, its Bella from Blood Bank, what's the info on the trauma so I can prepare myself here" I asked in my most authoritive voice. While lab techs were generally looked down on by every staff person in the whole hospital, something about the words Blood Bank commanded respect.

"Oh hi, it's a 7 year old male, MVA, femoral break, probable liver laceration, some pretty heavy head trauma. All other occupants of the vehicle expired at the scene. It's not looking good for this little guy either; he should be here in about 10 minutes or so."

I thanked her and hung up the phone quickly. I could feel my mind and body going into emergency mode quickly as I began to fly about the bench instinctively grabbing blood products as I passed. With a liver laceration, chances were they would probably need some plasma so I threw a couple of bags in the water bath to thaw. Next I headed to the blood fridge grabbing a bunch of O negs and tagging them for emergency issue. My experience told me I was either seriously overpreparing; or there was no way I could be prepared enough. My instinct told me it was the later. I had just finished tagging the thawed straw colored plasma when the phone rang. The caller ID showed it was the trauma room and I held my breath as I answered the phone. Before any words could even leave my mouth orders were being barked from the other end.

"It's the trauma room and we need 4 O negs for this kid STAT" was all the person screamed before slamming down the phone. Knowing there was no time to follow proper protocol and call for a porter to bring the products to this dying child, I grabbed what ever I could and took off running.

The 4 minutes it took me to climb the 3 flights of stairs were the longest 4 minutes of my life. I gave a silent prayer and thanks that all my running had finally paid off for something. As I busted into the trauma room I could feel the bile rising in my throat. The room was buzzing with activity like a swarm of bees at a hive; and the entire scene was red. Everything was smeared with blood. On the gurney laid the small boy, his limps placed at wrong angles, his dark hair drenched with the same red gold that I held in my hand.

"I have the blood" I announced holding the units high.

Dr Cullen was standing over the poor boy working feverishly to safe his life. The sound of my voice didn't seem to register with him at first; but once his eyes noticed what I had in my hand he motioned me over with a nod of his head. Weaving my way through the crowd of people I shouted over the noise.

"I also brought you some freshly thawed AB plasma; some AB neg platelets and a couple of bottle of albumin; just in case."

Comprehension swept over his face as he began to grab things out of my hands and lay them all around the bed. He pointed to a unit of blood and then at one of the many nurses standing around the bed.

"You; spike that unit and get it ready for transfusion" he barked as he returned his gaze back to the small boys arms.

I began to make my way out of the room and back to the lab, but the shaky voice that I had to strain to hear made me whip back around. The nurse who was working on the kids other arm was staring at Carlisle with huge horrified eyes.

"Dr Cullen, I can't get this IV started."

Those words were followed by the squeal of the heart monitor as I watched it flatline. The room began to spin and all sounds ran together as I stood there unable to move a muscle. It felt like I was watching a bad movie as Dr Cullen and his team worked frantically to restart this young boy's heart. I watched helplessly as the life was sucked out of this tiny child, who had his whole life ahead of him. Now he would never ride his bike again, never build a lego house, never have a first kiss, a first dance, a first beer, a first love, a last love, watch his own kids grow. Just as they were announcing the time of death I spun around and ran out of the room. My day had started with such promise, such potential, kind of like that kid I though bitterly. I barely made it to the closest garbage can before my egg whites and vanilla bean latte splashed loudly at the bottom of the barrel.


	4. Call the plumber, we've sprung a leak

I had just barely made it back to the lab before the waterworks started. I tried to control myself long enough to explain to my supervisor Siobhan what had happened before I really let myself go. She led me into her office where I sat and openly wept for what seemed like hours. She was a round soft Irish lady who had taken me under her wing many months ago. She let me sit in her lap, stroking my hair gently as I cried myself out, ruining her shirt with my salty tears. She whispered reassuring words in my ear, telling me that everyone did all that they could, that it was just his time, and that sometimes the world just doesn't make sense. Finally my tears had run dry and my now empty stomach began to rumble.

"Bella my sweets, I think you should go get something to eat now. Once you get something in your belly I'm sure you'll feel better and you can go back to work. Liam has been covering your bench but he has his own work to do so I need you to pull yourself together and get on with your day" she murmured as she continued to pet my head lovingly.

I felt so safe and small again when Siobhan held me like this; like I was just a child trying to find my way in the world. The same way Renee would when I was a kid and I had fallen off my bike or heard a scary story. Back then life was easier, less complicated. Everything seemed like black and white, not shades of grey. I had always believed everything happens for a reason; but on days like today I couldn't understand why. What was the reasoning for taking that poor boys life at such young age? What if he was meant to do something great and now he would never have a chance. As much as I wanted to just stay here and continue to be comforted, I she was right. I did have a job to do and there were other people who were counting on me; I couldn't spend my day here feeling sorry for the boy and myself while contemplating my beliefs. I nodded my head and stood slowly making my way to the office door. With one hand on the doorknob I turned back to Siobhan who was eyeing me wearily.

"Siobhan can I ask you a question" I mumbled thickly, feeling the sting of tears in my eyes once again.

"Anything" she replied, her sharp eyes still assessing me carefully.

"Do you believe in fate? I mean do you think everything happens for a reason, or do you think we're all just floating through the universe at random"

Her features softened and instantly she crossed the room in three large strides cradling me into a smothering hug.

"Oh Bella my angel, I can't answer that for you, its something you need to decide for yourself. All I know is that if there wasn't a reason for everything, if we were all just floating about at random then the world seems like an awfully cold and cruel place doesn't it? Maybe this boy couldn't be saved, but we can learn from our mistakes so that it won't happen again and maybe we can save hundreds more little boys and girls." She grabbed my chin and lifted my face so she could look into my eyes. "I know your heart is broken little one, but it will mend, and maybe, just maybe, this will all make sense and you will see the reasons for it."

I nodded my head again and turned away quickly before she could see the tears start to overflow again. I shut the door softly and walked away quickly, but not before I heard the sobs erupt from the other side of the frosted glass.

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My feet felt heavy like lead as I made my way to the cafeteria. I vaguely remember buying a chicken salad sandwich before plopping down in a rigid chair and placing my head on the table while I absentmindedly thumbed the cross which hung from the chain on my neck. It had been Grandma Swan's and I never took it off. It was a security blanket of sorts, giving me comfort helped me collect my thoughts. The cafeteria table felt cool on my flushed cheeks, bringing me back to reality. I could only imagine what kind of a mess I was in, as I was the epitome of an ugly crier. I subconsciously cursed myself for crying so hard; my eyes and face would be red and bloodshot for days. It was then that I realized someone was hovering over me. If it were Alice she would have hugged me reassuringly by now; if it were Rosalie she would have kicked my chair and told me to suck it up. I turned my face to identify my intruder, prepared to give a lecture on the rudeness of leering when my eyes locked with that of Dr Cullen. I sat up quickly giving myself a head rush and causing the room to spin for the second time today. I grabbed the table to balance myself as Carlisle leaned over to steady me.

"Are you ok Isabella" he asked, his beautiful eyes full of concern.

How the hell did Dr Carlisle Cullen Hottie Emergency Doctor Extraordinaire know my name? Be cool I chanted in my head in an attempt to compose myself.

"Bella!" I blurted. Nice Bells I mentally groaned. Real smooth.

"Excuse me" Dr Cullen questioned, eyebrow cocked.

"I go by Bella" I stammered.

"Please excuse me Bella" he said as he smiled warmly at me. "Your name tag says Isabella" he said as he pointed toward the lanyard around my neck carrying my awful mugshot of a picture. I was hungover the day the picture was taken so my hair was completely dishevelled, not to mention Alice had made an incredibly inappropriate remark about the security guard playing photographer and made me laugh just as I was supposed to say cheese forcing me to let out a snort of a laugh. Although I'm sure at this exact moment, with my tear streaked face I'm sure I looked much more haggard.

"No worries Dr Cullen" I replied, giggling nervously.

"Please call me Carlisle Bella, Dr Cullen sounds so formal and makes me feel old" he answered with a small smirk.

The table was uncomfortably quiet for a few moments while we both fidgeted with our hands collecting our thoughts.

"Was there something I could help you with Carlisle" I asked once the blood had returned to my brain and I could think clearly.

"Ah yes, I'm so sorry to intrude on you like this while you're at lunch" he started, pausing for a brief second to eye my untouched sandwich. "But I just wanted to thank you for working so quickly with that patient this morning. Also to say that if the child hadn't arrived to our hospital in the awful shape in which he did; the extra blood products that you brought; the plasma, platelets and albumin; might actually have been enough to save his life. You thought ahead, and tried to take matters into your own hands, saving what could have been precious minutes. I know it was breaking protocol because there were no orders written for those things, but in emergency situations sometimes you have to work on gut feelings which you clearly did today. It takes a lot of worry off my mind to know that there are people like you working in the lab, watching out for our patients when sometimes we're too involved in the current situation to anticipate future needs."

His words made my head snap up from my previously engaging fingernails so I could eye his face and search for his sincerity. All my scrutiny could find was his warm eyes brimming with warmth and genuineness.

"Well Dr Cullen, I mean Carlilise" I said correcting myself when I finally found my voice. "Thank you for those kind words. It was understood when I started my career that this would be a thankless job, so it's a lovely surprise to have someone of your position of authority and credentials to take some time to notice the work that my people do. Even if it wasn't enough today" I answered feeling my eyes well up once again.

"Bella, you realize that we all did everything we could today right" he asked as a single traitor tear slid down my cheek.

I nodded my head and tried to inconspicuously wipe away the rogue tear. Carlisle grabbed my hand from my face and gave it a tight squeeze.

"You take your job very seriously don't you" he questioned while his warm hand still held onto mine.

Once again I nodded my head, fearful that if I tried to speak a sob would erupt loudly from my throat. Carlisle eyed me thoughtfully while I he absentmindedly traced circles in the back of my hand with his thumb. Minutes passed while my mind began to race. Was he waiting for an actual response or trying to comfort me? I pulled myself together, cleared my throat prepared to answer his previous question when he suddenly hit me with another one completely catching me off guard.

"Bella are you currently seeing anyone."

I stared at him disbelievingly before my eyes wandered to the ring finger on his left hand where a delicately carved gold band lay in its own indent from obvious years of wear. He noticed my eyes pop out of my head and followed my gaze before he began to chuckle heartily.

"Bella, I'm happily married and have been for about 15 years now" he mused.

Confusion swept across my face causing a laugh to erupt from deep in his stomach.

"My nephew is new in town and I'm looking for someone to take him around town, show him the nightlife and a good time" he answered my unasked question.

I felt my face turn a bright crimson before I managed to blurt out quickly; as if it had been rehearsed

"Well Carlisle, I just got out of a 18 month "relationship"; using my finger quotations appropriately; "and I just don't know if I'm ready to get involved with anyone else yet. Thank you very much for the offer and I'm very flattered, but I'm sure either of my friends Rosalie or Alice would be a better choice anyways. Both would be more then suited to show your nephew a very eventful night then what I could ever be" I said standing abruptly and grabbing my untouched sandwich off the table.

"Thank you very much for your kind words and have a great day" I added as I turned to leave and head back to the sanctity of my lab not waiting for his response. In inwardly cursed myself for being so rude as I snaked my way through the growing crowd. I almost made it to the door before two figures suddenly appeared before me blocking my escape.

"Were you just talking to Dr Cullen" Alice squealed grabbing my arm as I tried to squeeze past them.

"Yes" I hissed through my teeth half dragging her along as I pushed forward. "And now I am trying to escape from him so can you please let me pass and I will explain everything later" I half growled.

Alice released my arm and made a quick glance over her shoulder at the good doctor still sitting shocked where I sat with him just moments ago. Flanking behind me my best friends allowed me a few steps space whispering frantically. When we reached the lab I abruptly spun around causing the girls to crash into one another.

"Speak" Rose ordered; eyes narrowed, arms folded across her chest.

And speak I did. For 15 minutes I stood there and explained my entire morning in great detail. I told them everything from the sight and smells inside the emergency room as I watched the young boy die, crying myself dry in Siobhan's lap, to the bizarre conversation I just held with Carlisle. While I spoke, Alice made occasional whimper noises and openly wept; Rose just stared at me sceptically. When I finished I looked at each one precariously worried about their thoughts. They momentarily glanced at each other before Alice opened her mouth to speak, abruptly snapping it shut with an audible pop.

"What our darling Ali is trying to say is you're a fucking idiot and we will discuss this later" Rose spoke on behalf of the two before grabbing the handle and yanking on the door of the lab. I stared at her incredulously before Alice collected her thoughts and quipped.

"What Rose is trying to say is we're sorry you're having a rough morning, we just need some time to digest the information you've presented before us and we will talk about it properly later. For now, we all need to get back to work."

Fuming at their insensitivity to my situation I blew past the two of them grabbing my labcoat off my assigned hook and returning to my post.

The rest of the day flew by uneventfully. I tried to keep myself busy and not let my mind rerun the entire days' events like some horror film that had a terrible ending. Once 3pm arrived, I gladly left my bench for the evening staff; grabbed my belongings from my locker and headed to my truck to meet Ali and Rose. I found them standing outside, oblivious of my approaching, and deep in discussion. I wordless opened the doors for them, catching the look they exchanged out of the corner of my eye. Refusing to be the first one to speak I climbed into my truck and drove away without uttering so much as a sound. Ali fidgeting in the backseat clearly had something that she wanted to get off her chest while Rose stared out the window with an air of indifference. About 10 minutes into our drive Ali finally snapped.

"Bella, I can't believe you turned down a date with Dr Cullen's nephew" she nearly screamed at me.

"His name is Carlisle" I corrected smugly. "Besides I explained to him that I had just gotten out of a relationship and I wasn't ready to start dating just yet."

"Oh for fucks sake!" Rose said throwing her arms up in exasperation. "You and James were NOT in a relationship. Fucking someone on a monthly basis does not count as a relationship. You were his goddam booty call and all he wanted was for someone to suck his cock then let him stick it inside them which you did so that's why he kept calling you. Fuck you need to get over this fucking douchebag and on with your life. Stop playing the fucking pity card and get over it already."

"Rosalie, don't you think I know what I was to James? Don't you think that I am well aware that I was nothing more then a mouth and a pussy to him? That's exactly why I blocked him from my phone. I was sick of being that girl that let some guy just fuck and chuck her. But we all can't be ridiculously perfect like you and have guys swoon over us all the time you know. I kept going back because I was sure that each time would be the last time I had sex ever. "I all but screamed back at her.

"Bells, we know you went through a hard time with James and he was absolutely awful to you, we just think that maybe, if you met someone new, it might be easier for you to get over him. We are so proud of you for blocking him from your phone so you can't keep getting the 3am booty call texts that I know you are unable to resist; but maybe meeting someone new would help give you some closure about the entire situation." Alice cooed to me gently.

No matter how true some words are; it doesn't make them any easier to hear. I had nothing more to say to either one of them, just gave Ali a quick nod when I dropped her off. I held myself together while I drove the rest of the way home in silence. Once we made it to the house I jumped out of the truck and ran into the house blowing past a snoring Jacob. I just barely made it to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me before throwing myself onto my bed and sobbing uncontrollably for the second time in one day.


	5. Smirky Nightmares

A/N: Stephanie Myer is a genius and owns everyone…I just make them have explicit sexy time!

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Once the tears had yet again ran themselves out I sat up on my bed stupidly. All this crying and crazy emotions in one day had me completely warn out. I could vaguely hear Jacob scratching lightly at the door for me to let him in. I slowly stood and dragged my feet to the door to let him in. He slinked through the crack in the door, ears flat to his head and hopped on my bed. The smell of spices followed him in and filled the stale air of my room. Apparently Rose was cooking, which was a rarity. Cooking wasn't her forte; she normally left the cooking to me, which was one of the few talents I had. Jacob let a soft whimper escape from his lips, staring at me intently with those big brown eyes. I softly pulled the bedroom door closed and flopped back down on my bed. Jake immediately scooted as close to me as he could and placed one of his giant paws and my chest. Rubbing behind his ear my mind began to wander, running through what ifs. I knew that I had done everything wrong with James; that I had made a million mistakes, but they were my mistakes. I had made so few mistakes before him; that I needed to have the experience, and make the mistakes. His face flooded my mind as I felt my eyelids grow heavy with semi-conscious slumber. The last image I remembered was of his face the first night we were together.

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James and I had met over the internet on one of those dating websites. He had initiated the first conversation, impressed with my knowledge of baseball, and my love of comedies. We chatted for a few weeks, getting to know each other, staying up until the wee hours of the morning. I felt I actually knew him before I agreed to meet him for dinner. Although he was even more handsome in person then the pictures could have ever given him credit for, my stomach told me there was something a bit off. At the end of the night he gave me a kiss on the cheek and I went on my way. I didn't hear much from him for a few days, and we didn't go out again until 2 weeks later. Taking me mini golfing we shared our first kiss at the 18th hole under the stars. He tried to get me to go back to his house so he could cook me dinner but something in the back of my head told me it wasn't a good idea. I let him take me for a brief drive and show me the sights of my still newly acquired town before making him take me home. Another 2 weeks passed before I saw him again, this time at the movies where we made out in the back row like a couple of teenagers in heat until ours breaths ran ragged. Once the movie was done, he tried yet again to take me to his house, to which I still refused. I kissed him passionately at the end of the night, and watching him drive away I began to feel his persistence starting to wear me down. I waited for his call for weeks and never heard another word.

I had all but forgotten about him until one night my house phone ring. Identifying the number as belonging to James I picked it up and attempted to sound casual, while Rose glared at me with sceptical eyes. Expecting to hear his gruff voice, I was shocked when a robot voice proclaiming "I want you bad" was what my ears were met with. The hilarity of the texting mistake caught me off guard and I found myself swept up in his world yet again. I some how allowed his sweet charm to break down my walls which I had worked for weeks to build. He made no false promises of having feelings for me; I knew what the circumstances of this arrangement would be. This was purely about sex, just raw, boundless animal sex; and this frightened me. I was so inexperienced, clueless and innocent. I had almost talked myself out of it when he pulled into the driveway.

On his way to pick me up, James had picked up some Kate Hudson/ Katherine Heigel/ Sandra Bullock type chick flick, I'm sure to try and make me feel comfortable. I tried to pay attention to the movie while we snuggled on his couch, but he kept grazing my chest, causing me to gasp and my mind to go foggy. I could feel his penis hard in my back; which made me feel a bit better. At least I was turning him on as much as he was me. I felt my cheeks flush red with chagrin as my panties grew impossibly more wet with every stroke he brought over my chest and down my shirt. My nipples erect with anticipation as his grazes grew closer and closer to their end target. I held my breath just as he was about to reach my peaks when he suddenly removed his hand from my shirt and pulled my face to his. Our kisses we soft at first, lips just barely skimming one another; until feeling a bit brave I took his bottom lip between mine and sucked gently. With a hiss he returned the favour forcing my top lip between his. I allowed my tongue to slide into his mouth, testing the waters; checking out the scenery. His tongue slid into my mouth quickly and I tilted my head, deepening the kiss. Our tongue and mouth dance became more urgent forcing our breaths to come out in rapid pants. Suddenly he broke off; eyes heavily lidded with lust. He chuckled as he stroke my cheek tenderly.

"Bella you are so beautiful and I am so lucky to have you here with me."

With that he stood and grabbed my hand pulling me up with him. Neither of us spoke a word as we made our way up to the top floor of his 3-story house and into his bedroom. As we entered the room he let go of my hand and went into the bathroom. I suddenly felt nervous again as his giant king sized bed loomed before me. I began to shake softly as my nerves got the best of me.

"Bella baby, just make yourself comfortable" James said from the other room.

Giving my head a shake to rid myself of any doubt and negativity I pulled off my pants and slid under the sheets, shimmying myself to the far side of the bed. Finally James emerged from the bathroom in just his boxer briefs, his obvious erection straining against the thin grey fabric. Just the sight caused me to swallow loudly; a smug smirk to erupting on his face. He turned off the lights and climbed into bed next to me, scooping me up into his arms. Neither of us spoke as discreetly lifted the hem of my shirt just enough to slide his hand inside. He began drawing circles on my stomach with his thumb causing my stomach to twitch and writhe. Once again my breath began to speed up and become ragged as his circles grew wider, getting unbearably close to both my breasts and my aching nether region. When he finally reached the edge of my panties my breath hitched in anticipation.

"Bella, do you want a good nice kiss?" he purred in my ear. His breath was hot on my face and neck and sent shivers through my body.

All I could do was nod vigorously, for the first time in my life, I was completely speechless. My eyes had finally adjusted to the darkness and I could, once again, see the smug smirk written across his face. This time, when his hand made the circle he lifted my shirt over my head. My chest rose and fell; nipples hard as rocks, right in his face ready for the taking. He kissed my lips gently, taking the time to suck each one independently. Moving agonizingly slow he kissed his way down my face, nibbling my ear before making his way to my neck. I longed for him to hurry but stayed as still as possible, savouring every single kiss. He alternated between kisses, licks and nibbles as he worked down my neck and chest onto my breasts. He took the first nipple into his mouth and sucked gently, rolling it around on his tongue. Unable to control myself, a loud moan escaped from my lips. A chuckle erupted from his lips, vibrating against my hard peak. He teased the first one a few minutes more before he took the other one into his mouth and continued his little game of sucking and flicking with his tongue until finally he bit down. I yelped with pleasure grabbing onto his hair and tangling my fingers through it tightly. He continued on his way down south with his tongue, leaving a moist trail behind. I left me fingers knotted in his hair, needing something to do with my hands so I could keep focused and appreciate this moment of pure bliss. When he reached the elastic of my panties, he hooked in one finger and tugged gently. Inhaling deeply I lifted my hips so he could remove the thin black lace releasing my freshly shaved pussy into the coolness of the sheets.

"Fuck Bella, you are so wet" he growled as he spread me wide. Impatient for a response he dove in tongue first going straight for my throbbing bud. My hips bucked as his tongue flicked over my folds in a circle, always returning to where he knew I yearned for him the most. Unable to control myself I began to moan loudly; breathing raggedly and panting his name. He hummed on my pulsing clit almost sending me over the edge repeatedly until suddenly he drove a finger inside of me stroking me hard until I couldn't hold on anymore. He didn't stop stroking and licking as I rode out my orgasm in spasms. Just when I thought he had finished, he slipped one more finger inside me used his thumb to rub hard circles on my clit. This new sensation caught me so off guard that I shuddered with my second orgasm instantly. This was already 2 more orgasms then I had ever received from anyone besides my own handiwork and I was under the impression that this was just the beginning. He lifted his head from between my legs and smirked smugly at me. I grabbed him by the hair and tugged roughly. He followed my lead and sprung up lips first to meet my eager mouth. Our kisses were no longer soft and sweet, they were urgent, wild and eager. Pressing into me tightly and never missing a beat, he rolled us onto his back. He let go of my sides and placed both hands behind his head, wagging his eyebrows suggestively. I knew what he wanted, and even though I had never given a blowjob before I was sure that I could do it. I spread my legs wide and reached between them taking his cock into my hand. As I slowly shimmied my way down his body I continued to stroke his dick roughly, causing him to elicit a moan with every pump. When I finally reached his member I didn't hesitate for a moment before putting the whole thing in my mouth. When the tip of his cock touched the back of my throat he moaned loudly and grabbed onto my hair. As I began moving up and down his dick sucking gently; he lifted his hips to match my movements, driving him impossibly deeper down my throat. With each buck "fuck" would hiss out through his clenched teeth. Sucking my way to the top I released him from my mouth just so I could flick the tip with my tongue. This caused him to wrap his hands tighter in my hair and pull me off.

"Fuck I need to be inside you right now" he grunted before rolling himself off the bed and stumbling over to the dresser. I rolled onto my back and eyed him eagerly, my body vibrating from what had just transpired. Once the condom was safely secured over his huge cock he made his way back over to me. Eyeing my naked form once more, he climbed onto the bed and spread me wide. He grabbed my right ankle roughly and threw it over his shoulder.

"I'm going to fuck you until you scream my name and beg me to stop" he growled at me as he traced circles around my entrance with the tip of his dick making me squirm with pleasure. With one hard thrust he was inside me deep. Holding onto my calf, keeping my leg in place he began moving his hips at a regular pace grunting with each jerk. He bent over and took one of my nipples into his mouth and teased it gently before biting down hard provoking a scream to explode from my swollen lips. Before my body could become accustom to the sensation of this position, he abruptly pulled out and shoved my body, flipping me over to my stomach. I waited on all fours as he brought my knees together. Grabbing onto the headboard for support, I braced myself as he once again entered me hard. He held onto my hips tight as his pumps became frantic, his breaths erupting in gasps and puffs; my breasts bounced wildly with each thrust. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore he leaned over me, reached around my stomach and pinched my clit hard. I shrieked his name as yet another climax washed over my body; my twitches and jerks met with his own as he came along with me. We rode out our orgasms together, panting and gasping for air. He finally kissed my back before pulling his now limp member from inside me, shuttering once more as I brushed up against it. He stumbled into his bathroom to clean himself up while I lay there trying to catch my breath a giant grin on my face. I may not be an expert on sex, but I was pretty sure that was incredible. He returned to me a few minutes later, scooping me up tightly in his arms before laying a gentle kiss on my lips. We fell asleep in one another's arms that night, exhausted from the most amazing sexual experience of my life, both with very large and very different grins on out faces.

If only I could have understood his smug smirk that night, it would have saved me a lot of future heart ache. I would have realized that it was the face he made when he got what he wanted from girls he brought home purely to bang; which I was one among many. If after that night I had seen that smirk for what it really was, I wouldn't have spent the next year trying to spend whatever little time with him I could in hopes he would see how amazing I was, even if he would only answer my texts if they started with "I want your cock in my mouth." I wouldn't have spent another 6 months after that so desperate for any form of human intimacy that I would answer his 3am texts, getting out of my warm bed and sneaking across town just so he could fuck me in the basement without getting me off before pretending to fall asleep so I wouldn't stay the night. If I had recognized the smugness 18 months earlier, I wouldn't have left a BBQ at Charlie's house in the middle of a Sunday so he could ask repeatedly if his friends could join, or watch, or videotape me sucking him off. 18 months of that smug smirk and I had finally reached my limit, saw it for what it was and blocked him from my phone, determined to never see that smug smirk again. As much as I hated him with every ounce of my being, I was sure everything happens for a reason; why I had wasted 18 months on that smirk would one day be evident.

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I awoke with a start to a pounding on my door. I staggered to the door and yanked it open, squinting at the harsh lights pouring in from the hallway.

"You ok?" Rosalie demanded. I nodded my head groggily, simultaneously trying to shake the images of my very real dream from my head.

"Good, well I made supper and you haven't been able to keep anything down today so get your fucking sulky ass downstairs and eat my Butter Chicken before I have to kick your ass" and with that she turned on her heel, marching back towards the kitchen. Beaming with pride at Rose's attempt to be concerned over me I followed my nose to the sweet smell of curry, leaving my disturbing dreams of James behind.


	6. Dinner Discussions and Discoveries

To the 5 people that read this story…Thank you so much! You have no idea how much it means to me

To Haileypattinson…thank you for your kind words. You single-handedly saved this story.

I apologize for the break between chapters. I was in a rut and couldn't find the light. The sun is shining now.

I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays!!

Brand New Spaces and Take Care of You both by Michael Bernard Fitzgerald loop my iPod

SM owns my people

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I stumbled into the kitchen, my eyes straining, trying to adjust to the bright lights while Jake tagged along right at my heels. A heaping plate of butter chicken and basmati rice sat steaming on the table at my place setting. Rosalie was standing at the ancient stove with her back to me serving her own supper as I took my seat. My stomach gave a loud growl with anticipation as I took my seat breathing in the sweet aroma. The first bite was like heaven and I let out a soft moan in appreciation.

"Thanks Roomie" I sputtered with my mouth full of rice, unwilling to pause long enough to mind my manners.

"You're welcome" she replied, taking her seat across from me at the table.

For a few minutes the only sounds was that of our chewing, clanging utensils and Jakes begging, until Rose finally broke the silence.

"Did you find a dress yet to wear to Eric's wedding?"

I dropped my fork groaning, suddenly loosing my appetite. I hated it when Rose brought up difficult subjects while I was eating.

Ben had been my roommate while I was a student at UBC. We were extremely close and very protective of one another until I moved to Burnaby. Unfortunately; as most people do, we drifted apart. Over the past year or so we've been trying really hard to speak more regularly, taking the time to visit one another, realizing the friendship that we once had was too special to let go to waste. Now he was marrying Angela; a sweet shy girl ceremony to be held in Vancouver in 2 weeks time. I was super stoked to partake in his special day and spend time with most of my old university friends whom were flying in from all over Canada and the United States. However; there were 2 people whom would be standing alongside Eric I was dreading seeing.

Eric was one of Ben's oldest and best friends, they were kind of a package deal. I didn't mind; he was kind, caring and always up for something exciting. I kept an "Eric Bag" in my closet ready at all times with a toothbrush, mascara, lip gloss and a change of underwear because he would often call with just 5 minutes notice before it was adventure time, with no agenda and no idea where we would end up. Once he met Lauren things changed. She was snotty, self-righteous, with a big mouth and not much to back it up ; but he loved her so I had to accept her. Then she cheated on him. After that, everything changed. Jealous of our relationship and the fact that he had come to me first after her indiscretion, she threatened to leave him unless he ended our friendship. Even though I had stood by him for years, through the death of his mother, his fathers heart attack, change of careers, his wife's adultery, I was thrown to the wayside as he attempted to save his failing marriage. I hadn't seen or spoken to him for years. I miss him immensely and my heartached at the thoughts of seeing him again, but I know that she'll be there as well so any sort of reunion is out of the question.

But as hard as that will be, the thought of seeing the best man; Mike; again made my stomach tie in a million tiny knots. There may have only been one night with Mike, but he was my first and those kinds of things leave marks on your heart. No matter how hard you try to forget.

"No, I haven't found that perfect dress that I need that says 'Hello everyone I haven't seen in 5 years, look at me, I've lost a buttload of weight and am moderately successful now so screw you for not wanting to fuck me before but now you've lost your chance" I announced dramatically.

Rose perked one perfectly arched eyebrow in disapproval causing me to quickly grab my fork and resume shovelling my supper in my mouth before another outburst could escape.

After eyeing my demeanour and feeling assured I was finished with my fit Rose began to speak again.

"Maybe you should stop fucking moping around the apartment; take Jake and try the dress shop in Port Angeles."

I chewed my food thoughtfully for a moment considering my options before I answered.

"Yeah you're probably right. I really should get on that seeing as it is only 2 weeks away. I guess I can't avoid it forever. Did you want to come with me or are you heading over to Jacob's shop tonight?"

My question was so casual that I barely noticed that my words brought a blush to her cheeks before quickly fading away. Suddenly she was very intrigued with her butter chicken. I stared at her curiously wondering what I could have possibly said to provoke such a response.

Jacob Black and I had known each other since we were kids. We were brought together by our fathers and their love for fishing, the Mariners and bad jokes. Once when we were teenagers Jacob had taken me cliff diving off the La Push reservation where he lived. I was trying to show off; he had grown so much in the year I hadn't seen him and I wanted to prove I could still keep up with him; so I jumped a little higher then I could handle. I would have drowned if Jake hadn't pulled me out. For saving my life I promised him that I would name my first born child after him, so that we were always connected in some way.

When I found that stray dog wandering about battered and bruised but coming back bigger and better then ever; it only made sense to name him after my Jacob. I knew that he had always wanted more, that being friends would never truly be enough for him, but I have never been able to force myself to feel the same.

Fortunately he found someone; Renesemee; who completes his world. He told me once that it's like there's some sort of magnetic pull between them, that it was love at first sight. I couldn't be any happier for them; it allows me to have my best friend and not feel guilty for hurting him anymore.

These days Jake owns and runs an autobody shop in La Push, his two friends Quil and Embry working for him. One day I had to stop by the shop to drop something off to him forcing Rosalie to tag along. I stepped out to use the phone for 30 seconds returning to a full on brawl between them. The tension left a palpable static in the air. Desperate to find something in common between them I informed Rose that Jake's first car had been a Volkswagen Rabbit that he had completely built himself when he was just 16. The air changed dramatically as this lead to a serious discussion about catalytic converters and radiators and I knew I had lost them. Since then Rose has been going down a few days a week to help out around the shop, impressing everyone with her skilful hands and extensive knowledge. I didn't see why this would cause her to blush unless…my jaw dropped.

"Oh my God Rosalie Hale you are not sleeping with Jake are you? You wouldn't do that to Renesemee would you?" I felt my own cheeks flush, but with fury instead of chagrin.

Now it was her turn to gape at me.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I wouldn't touch that mongrel with a fucking 20 foot pole that was doused in rubbing alcohol and set ablaze. I can hardly stand being in the same room as that egotistical, sexist asshole, let alone him stick that fucking microscopic dick in me. That's why he's so huge everywhere else; he's overcompensating for his itty bitty cock. Besides, I would never ever do that to another girl and fuck you for thinking I would. For your information I met someone else there and he's coming over tonight and I'm not ready for you to meet him yet, mostly because right now you look like a huge sack of shit so I would like the apartment to myself for a little while."

I was so stunned from this very uncharacteristic outburst and show of emotion from Rose that it took me a few nanoseconds to process that she was jumping out of her chair, knocking it over in the process in an attempt to flee to her room.

"Rose please wait; I'm sorry" I yelled in desperation. I hadn't meant to offend her; surely the look of shock on my face should have informed her that I thought it to be impossible. But she continued her determined stride down the hall and into her room, crushing the silence with the sound of the door slamming.

Slamming doors and stalking off were a specialty of my roommates, so I knew all she needed was some space, time to cool down and some sort of treat. With this new information swirling in my head I decided maybe tonight would be a good time for me to take a trip to Port Angeles and get this dreaded dress shopping over with. So I quietly cleaned up supper dishes, threw on a pair of jeans and my UBC sweatshirt, ushered Jake out the door and into my truck and began the hour long trek to Port Angeles.

Shortly after pulling out of the driveway my head began to swirl with the overload of information from the day. Images of past love and lusts, anticipation of seeing old friends, the talk with Dr Cullen, my two best friends finding new flames all began to throb in my mind. I tried to shake the images with no avail so in desperation I dug through my purse until I found my sanity. Plugging in my iPod I searched until I found my sweet release. As "Psychotic Girl" by the Black Keys boomed from my speakers, muffled only dimly by my terrible singing and Jake's responsive howls I made my way down the twisting highway to Port Angeles leaving my thoughts and troubles behind.


	7. Embarrassing Spills

**A/N: So I went out and got myself a couple of Beta's! Ladyinblue6 and Sophia D'Soleil...you are incredible. Thank you so much for helping me and my disasterous grammar. Me fail english? Thats umpossible!**

**We meet a couple new people this chapter...Beauty and the Beast I guess **

**Stephanie Meyer owns my people**

**Hope you enjoy**

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As almost any heavy individual can agree; clothes' shopping is a nightmare. I always felt so embarrassed when I would walk out of a changing room with my arms full of clothes just to tell the bubble-gum chewing, skinny snotty, "better-than-everyone-else" sales associate that nothing fit. It made me feel terrible about myself; which would send me straight to the closest Cheesecake Factory so I could drown my sorrows in a deliciously moist graham cracker crust.

Even though I am no longer heavy, I still hold the same anxiety of shopping. It's become imprinted into my DNA, right there next to the adenine and cytosine. I walk into a department store and I break out into a cold sweat. Considering my attire generally consists of my hospital uniform or a pair of sweat pants, I hadn't bought any new clothes in a very long time. What I do own billows off of me in waves. Much to Alice's dismay I have not "taken advantage of my rockin' new bod" as she so eloquently put it. Often she'll randomly show up at my door with armfuls of beautiful things that she's picked up for me, but I politely refuse. I never give in to her temper tantrums.

As I pulled into the parking lot of the mall, I momentarily regret not bringing her along on this excursion. It would be nice to have a second opinion but I feel that this is an obstacle that I need to overcome on my own. Besides, after the already exhausting day I'd had, I didn't think I had the mental capacity to deal with her squeals of delight or piles of clothes that I would never wear.

I gave Jake a quick peck on the head and a scratch behind the ear and hopped out of the truck. Trying to make this experience as quick and painless as possible I headed into the first store I see. I was immediately overwhelmed the minute my foot first steps through the door. As I tried to process my surroundings: the colors, the styles and how the store was laid out, I didn't take notice of the guy standing in front of me until I had slammed into his back, dropping my purse, and all its contents, all over the floor.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, are you ok?" I asked as I bent down furiously trying to return the contents of my bag where they belonged.

"Hey, no worries" came a velvet reply from the stranger I had steamrolled into. The smoothness of his voice sent chills down my spine. I could feel his closeness as he bent down, grabbing at objects that were in the process of escaping. I continued to scramble and gather my belongings, unwilling to look the poor soul that I'd assualted in the face. All I could see were long slender fingers and strong forearms; the right covered in brightly coloured, swirling tattoos. I grabbed the last of my things and tried to make a run for it, mumbling more apologies before his voice once again cut through the air.

"Ah, I'm pretty sure this is yours too."

I felt my face flush redder while I whipped around to see what I had forgotten, and finally seeing the face that belonged to the satin smooth voice and strong, yet delicate, fingers.

Starting from his toes and making my way up, my breath hitched as I set my eyes on the most beautiful specimen of a man. First, there were the high-top Converse sneakers. This led to his ripped jeans, which were paired with a sweater vest under a button-up shirt, the rolled sleeves giving a peek at the illustrations that climbed up his right arm. His hair - a peculiar shade of bronze- stuck out of the sides of his fedora. By the time I reached the 5 o'clock shadow on his strong jaw, I was about to melt right on the floor. His eyes were hidden beneath a pair of thick rimmed black glasses that sat a little high on his face due to the crooked grin he had on his lips. In his left hand extended toward me was the most embarrassing thing that could have rolled out of my purse. Of course the only tampon I had in my bag had rolled away and was now being waved in my face by the most tantalizingly beautiful creature I had ever laid my eyes upon.

_Fuck my luck_

Stunned by my misfortune, it took me a few moments to collect my thoughts and process my course of action. All I could come up with was to run. I quickly scanned my surroundings for an escape route when his voice once again cut through the air like a hot knife in butter.

"It's okay, I don't need it. I have a stash of them out in my car so you can take this one back."

Whipping my face back to his, I gave a little snort and replied, "I knew you were too pretty. Should have known you had a mangina. Hopefully your cramps won't be too bad this month."

My retort just made his crooked grin grow wider. I reached up and snatched the now bane of my existence from his elegant hands. Our fingers brushed against one another causing me to jump back a little as the most bizarre feeling shot down my arm. It felt like a bolt of lightning had shot through my hand at the point of contact and was sending electrical currents from the tips of my fingers, all the way down my arm and throughout my entire body.

I peered at him curiously only to find his shocked appearance mirrored my own. I retracted my arm quickly, shoving the tampon back in my purse, while the god-like man stood before me rubbing his hand gently. Unable to form any sort of rational thought I mumbled my apologized yet again; I made a beeline for the overhead sign that announced "Dresses" only stopping to take a quick peek back at the boy once I was convinced there was enough distance between us. He was walking towards the exit, shaking his head softly, curling and flexing his fingers.

I let out the breath I didn't realize I had been holding and gave my head a little shake, trying to organize my thoughts, my hands still tingling from the contact with the walking sex god. I was on a mission and I couldn't let a 20 second interaction with the hottest man _EVER_ fuck that up. So I turned to the closest rack to me and began pawing through its wares attempting to focus on the task at hand and push the thoughts and tingles as far out of my head as possible.

* * *

63 minutes, 7 dresses, 4 pairs of shoes and an Orange Julius later, I had finally found the perfect outfit. It was a cute little strapless Calvin Klein number with a sweetheart neckline in sapphire blue that made my pale skin look almost translucent. I was going to have to recruit Rose and Alice to teach me how to walk in the peep-toe monstrosities that I had purchased. Being an uber-klutz meant I usually tried to avoid any heel height above a flip flop, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

There was a little bit of bounce to my step as I wandered back to my truck, bags in one hand and a Krispy Kreme for Jakey in the other. The parking lot was almost empty except for a shiny silver Volvo sitting just a few spots away from my truck. I ripped open my door quickly allowing Jake to jump down and stretch his legs for a moment while I piled my new belongings into the cab. He hopped around playfully, eager to be out of the confined space. I followed suit for a minute, wrestling around with him; feeling guilty that he had been locked in there by himself for so long. One mention of the word "treat" and he eagerly hopped back in the truck, eyeing my bags precariously. Giving him a quick few commands to remind him that he needs to earn these treats, I dropped the doughnut on the seat for him and shut the door. As I made my way around the front of the truck, a familiar tingling sensation ran up my spine when I passed the Volvo, forcing me to stop dead in my tracks. It was the same feeling I got when I had the momentary contact with the bronze-haired dream. I tried to inconspicuously glance inside the car to see if there was anyone in there, but the lighting was bad and I couldn't make out anything definite. I almost ran to my door, yanked it open and hopped in. Double-pumping the clutch, the old beast roared to life, the sound soothing my agitated nerves. I slammed into first gear and eased out of the parking lot, back through town and onto the highway.

My thoughts about the day claimed my attention the whole ride home. It wasn't until I pulled in the driveway of the house that I realized that for the first time in my life I had driven over the speed limit the whole way home, and done so in silence. I never drove fast. As the Police Chiefs daughter meant there were certain rules you had to obey. Sticking to the speed limit was pretty high up there on Charlie's list. Furthermore, I never went anywhere without music on. My iPod was an extension of my arm. I had special playlists depending on my mood and my company, as my taste in music wasn't always the same as those around me.

I didn't even notice the giant, red Hummer parked just beyond the driveway. Maybe if I had, the scene I walked in on, when I stepped through the front door wouldn't have been such a shock. I was greeted by the biggest man I had ever seen in my whole life. I gasped for a moment and my jaw dropped as my eyes wandered all the way up. My gawking was met by the biggest dimpled grin I had ever witnessed, giving a boyish look to this enormous person.

"Hey! You must be Bella. I've heard so much about you from Rosie and Jacob," he boomed and scooped me up in a big bear hug, momentarily knocking the wind out of me and causing all my purchases dropping to the ground.

"Emmett, put her down. You're gonna fucking pop her head off you're squeezing so damn hard," Rose's voice sounded muffled from inside my muscled cocoon.

The rumbling chuckle that emitted from the bear's chest rattled my brain before he eased me back to the ground.

"Sorry about that, Bells, I've just been waiting a while to meet you and I was excited that's all. I feel like I know you already."

Rubbing my ribs gingerly I tilted my head back so I could study the face of Rose's new pet. This made Emmett to chuckle once again and slap me on the back, causing me to stumble forward.

"Oh for the love of God," Rose mumbled while she rolled her eyes, a slight smirk hinting at the corners of her mouth.

"Well Emmett, it's a pleasure to meet you," I said bending down to pick up my bags "and while I would love to stay and chat with you right now, I have to get this stuff to my room before I take Jake out for a quick walk and head to bed."

"No worries, Hells Bells, you'll be seeing a whole lot more of me," Emmett declared as he grabbed Rose by the wrist, swept her up into his arms and starting planting kisses all over her face while she playfully struggled and giggled to get away from him.

I made my way to my room in a state of shock as to what I had just witnessed. Rose was giggling and being playful? I had never seen that side of her before. She had been through so much in her life that it had made her bitter and mean. To see this side of her was refreshing and I had hope for her that she might be able to find happiness to fill that chip on her shoulder after all.

I dropped my things on my bed and stood by the door, listening to the giggles, whispers and quick kisses before a hushed good night and the front door gently closing. I gave her few minutes to compose herself before I nonchalantly walked back down the hall and into the kitchen to get Jake's leash, only to find Rose leaning against the sink in a dream-like haze.

I tried to control my giggling, but finally I cracked, erupting in a deep belly laugh. She snapped back to reality with a mortified look on her face, realizing she had been caught in her fantasy. She quickly composed herself, but not before her face turned a brilliant shade of crimson.

"Rosalie Hale, you are absolutely smitten" I giggled between breaths.

"I am not fucking smitten. He just…he just…he…fuck." She dropped her head in shame.

I crossed the room in three steps, pulling her close for the biggest hug I could muster.

"Rose, why are you ashamed of that? You should be walking on cloud nine, he seems amazing."

"Because he is fucking amazing. He's gorgeous, funny and we have a fuck-load in common. Most of all, he doesn't take my bullshit and he doesn't look at me like a piece of meat. He's so incredible and I'm just waiting for something to happen for it all to blow up in my face like it always does." Her last words caught up as she took a quick breath.

I pushed her away from my body and held her shoulders tightly, forcing her to look at me in the eyes.

"Rose, he's not Royce. It's not going to be like before. You have to let people in or you're going to be alone and miserable forever. You are so much better than that. You deserve the best, now let Emmett be that person."

Her breath hitched once again and a single tear rolled down her perfect face.

"Bella, I'm so scared. What if I don't deserve this? What if he is just like every other guy?"

"I know you're scared, sweetie, but you have to take the risk to get the reward. And if it's meant to be, it will work out. Let him in, Rose, I think it will be worth your while." Another fat tear rolled down her cheek before she nodded her head. I hugged her again before stepping back to give her some space. "Now I have to go take Jake for a quick walk, then when I get back, we're going to have a little fashion show so you can tell me how I did on my first shopping excursion in about 15 years ok? Why don't you pop some popcorn, call Alice see if she's done with massage boy, and then you can teach me how to walk in heels because fuck knows I am going to fall flat on my face in front of everyone and make a huge ass of myself as always."

A grin shone through the tears on her face as she mumbled a quiet thank you which I waved off before walking out the door with my dog.

By the time I returned from my walk, Alice was dancing up the driveway.

"Ali, did you have a good night with the boy?"

"Oh my God Bella, I don't even know where to begin. He's so sexy and smart and kind and he does the most in-fucking-credible thing with his tongue" she gushed.

"Alright, Tiny, stop trying to make me jealous. Let's get in the house and let the fashion show begin," I chortled as I ushered both Alice and Jake into the house.

While I was gone, Rose had popped the popcorn, poured some M&M's into a bowl and had strawberry daiquiri's sitting on the living room table. The other two chatted animatedly about their new boys toys while I changed quickly into my new dress and heels. I gave myself one quick eye-up in my mirror before ever so carefully walking back into the living room, where I was met by squeals of delight and several ohs and ahs. I felt my face flush when they made me do a little turn for them. The conversation then moved to how I should wear my hair, makeup and accessories where they lost me about halfway through.

Not wanting to cover it in chocolate or daiquiris I returned to my room on wobbly ankles, carefully hanging the dress in the closet and returning the shoes to their box. Once I was comfortable again in my sweats, I rejoined my girls in the living room where our night was filled with treats, gossip, and boy stories while the rum from the bevy's started to flood our veins, making our tongues loose and the stories juicier.

After a few hours of serious bonding, we called it a night. Rose and I retiring to our rooms, while Alice took her usual spot on the pullout couch.

I climbed into bed with heavy limbs from the drinks, patted beside me for Jake to join me and pulled the covers up tight. The events of the very long day washed over me as I was dragged into a deep sleep. The last image I recalled was of the face of the bronze-haired god, a small smile hinting at my lips before I slipped into a dreamless slumber.

* * *

**A/N: Leave me a note and let me know how I did. Thanks for reading :)**


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